Connie

My younger sister, Connie, was born right behind me in the birth order of our family. She was born on August 2, 1958, the same birthday as my older sister, Cynthia. Connie’s delivery into this world was a struggle. She was a breech baby, and Mom had a very difficult delivery. Through that birthing process, Connie’s oxygen was cut off long enough to do permanent damage to her cerebrum. Mom said she remembers Connie crying nonstop for the first 8 hours of her new life. As a result of that traumatic entry into this world, Connie had Cerebral Palsy. She would never speak or be able to walk or truly control her motor functions. Her mind was normal – in fact she was a very bright girl. She knew everything that was going on around her, and could communicate with you by her eyes and by shaking her head.  As an older brother, and her being one of 7 children, we teased her sometimes just like brothers do to sisters. I probably teased her more than any others because I was close to her in age. I imagine that in the near future I will get to put up some fencing or some such task in Purgatory to compensate for the many times I used to tease Connie. She would get so mad at me that I thought she would get up out of the wheelchair!

Mom and Dad brought Connie home from the hospital and raised her like any of the rest of us.  They spent a lot of time and effort early in Connie’s life trying to figure out if there was anything they could do to improve her quality of life. In the end, they did just what God wanted them to - they brought her home to a loving family and raised her like any of their other children. Connie was one of us, she just took special care. Dad made many different walkers, standing tables, beds, and all sorts of items to help Connie to be able to stand for a while and to be a part of our family. That was back when you could not buy that stuff, and Dad was pretty handy at making things anyway.  My Mom, though somewhat outspoken, is a saint in my eyes. She spent many years of her life showing us how to serve others by the care she gave to Connie. Every meal Mom had to cook for all of us, then grind Connie’s food up and feed her with one hand while Mom ate her meal with the other hand. This became normal to us. Connie was one of the family albeit a special member of that family. My sisters got to help a lot with Connie as they grew up too, but you see, that taught us all to be of service to others. We didn’t always smile while we helped, but we knew it was our role as a member of our family. Connie passed away on July 15, 2005. She had spent her last years at Dakotabilities in a group home. She had been in some pain over the last years of her life, and the doctors and people who worked with her always thought she had sore muscles or a brace that was rubbing her wrong. One of her last doctors had gone in with a scope to correct a feeding tube placement and saw that her gall bladder was full of gall stones. He had said it looked like a bean bag. I have had kidney stones several times, and they hurt a lot. They say a gallstone is very similar if not worse. Can you imagine having that many stones develop and you hurt all the time and you cannot communicate what or where it hurts? I am still amazed at the strength that girl had to have had. She has got to be in heaven praying for all of us for all the suffering she did while on this earth.

This little bump I have is nothing compared to the suffering that girl went through. I know that even though I teased her, she loved me and is pulling for all of us up in heaven. As anyone who has ever been around people with disabilities knows, they are a smiling child of God. They have no hidden agenda and no malice towards others. They trust everyone and they love everyone, thinking no one would ever hurt them. Families of these children are special indeed. Mine is one of those families.

I want to wrap this up with a short piece that my brother, Bob wrote when Connie passed away. (See, I am not the only writer in this bunch)

She Taught Us

She was given three days to live, but persevered through 47 years.

When they said she would be too much work for you to handle, two parents gave an example of accepting God’s will unconditionally.

When she couldn’t eat or drink, they found a way to blend her food and make special cups & bottles.

When she couldn’t sit, or stand, we made braces, chairs, casts, and tables.

When you looked at her and wanted to cry, she looked back and smiled or laughed while she sat quietly suffering through life’s daily aches and pains.

When we entered a room and they all would stare, she smiled back.

For all things that took extra effort and unlimited love, it came to accepting the fact that it’s not a perfect world.

When we were in a hurry, she reminded us to slow down and help each other.

When we complained about being sick, or feeling bad, she remained silent as she suffered.

When we felt bad about not getting to go somewhere or do something she could silently remind you that she couldn’t do anything without the assistance from others.

She spent her whole life in rooms where other people wanted her to be,

Doing things they wanted to do,

Listening to things they wanted to say,

Watching the show they wanted to watch,

Listening to music they wanted to hear,

Eating when they were hungry,

Drinking when they were thirsty,

Resting when they were tired,

Spending time together when our schedules were convenient.

I’ve met a lot of good people in my life. Most taught me, either in class or by example. But none could make you stop and think like Connie, and she never spoke a single word in her entire life…

God gave Connie to us to give an example of how to live a pure life, simply following His son’s footsteps without walking; listening to His word without talking.