And So It Really Begins

My last blog article was rather brief, written from the hospital room, and written, I now better understand, under the influence of a strong dose of medicine to help me from having seizures.
I reread that “Thy Will Be Done” piece, and decided I could not end all of this on that note. It sounds like I am just throwing in the towel on this journey, which I am not yet.

Medically speaking, yes, I am throwing in the towel. The towel is in the team laundry basket on the way to the cleaners. The wonderful staff at Avera’s Prairie Center have done all that they can now do to slow or stop the growth of this cancer in my brain. There is no sense in spending more time, money, resources, and effort in trying to get ahead of my cancer, as it is doing what it is supposed to do. This type of brain cancer is an old, very aggressive type that just takes off and grows. Doctors know what works for a while in some patients, but the end result is just what is happening, the tumors grow, the brain cannot contain the pressures, the patient starts to show neurological (seizures) symptoms, and the tumor eventually will kill the patient. So, physiologically speaking, we have quit fighting the disease and are just going to make the rest of this journey as comfortable as possible as we can for me and for my family. But now is when the real journey begins.

You see, up to this point it was just lip service, but now I get to walk the walk. Now is when true Faith in God’s Plan truly begins. Now I can’t do all of things I was able to do before. Now I have to rely on others to “wash my feet” as Jesus did for His disciples. (That analogy was given to me by one of the wonderful Home Hospice nurses). It is hard now to have to watch Margaret and my family become my caregivers. Now is when I have to trust in God that all of this will end well according to His plan. Now is when I have to use that Faith in God, that Hope in Heaven, and that knowledge that His love is there for me and for all of us.

Now I get to use that wooden cane I made from the branch of one of our apple trees this summer. Now I need to steady myself when I walk, as the medicine to prevent seizures could put a young mule down (at least they seem that strong). When I walk it seems like I am wading in about two feet of water at times. I will not be driving any longer (luckily for most of you).

Will I have enough time and ability left to build a couple of more projects, or will this cancer take away those skills quicker than I am ready for it to? This is what faith and trust in God is all about.

I had told God last year that if I had one more good Christmas here on earth, I would not mind spending Easter in Heaven, and He may have heard my prayer. We had a fantastic year – I made it a point to take in everything that I could, the beauty of the autumn leaves, the summertime breezes, the foliage we had when the leaves turned, some great shooting out at Hunter’s Pointe, one of the best pheasant hunts I have ever been on, a great deer hunt, some wonderful family times all year, a beautiful wedding for Tom and Michelle, Mom’s 80th birthday, and many great family events. We had the best Christmas ever, and now I am ready to follow His will. I do have one more wedding to get to in April if God wills it, for Matt and Jen, but then, I am ready to let her ride.

I have had a life that goes beyond description for blessings. I got to work in the building industry with my family for over 37 years, helping to build people’s dreams and getting to do what I loved to do. Then, I even got to be a fire fighter for 26 plus years, a job which I loved dearly as well.

I could not have asked for a better family to be raised in, a better set of parents, a better faith life, better brothers and sisters, or nieces and nephews. In July of 1980, I married Mary Margaret Callaghan, who has forever changed me. We have had a dream life together and raised the most wonderful family anyone could have imagined. I know that all of you will be with me in heaven again someday. I want each of my children and grandchildren to know that I will pray for each of you each day and I will be with you.

When you get to heaven, I will be the guy sweeping up just inside the gate. “I told Margaret I would save a place for her on the bench there.”

Jimmy

Thy Will Be Done

On Tuesday morning, I was putting dishes away from the dishwasher.  When I looked at one of the stacks of silverware, I noticed something familar about this.

      As I realized this, I start to get that all too familiar wave of nausea begin to move up through my body. This in turn became what I had known over a year ago a  seizure, I was sweaty, with palms down on the counter, but just stood there shaking a bit.

     This was quite disconcerting for me. The seizures occured about every half hour after that, Margaret decided we needed to get into the ER, which we did, they admitted me for further testing. I spent the night in the hospital and had further tests done. The MRI of the brain shows a significant growth in the original tumor area. After further consultation with DoctorTollentino, we both agreed on the next course of action. We had tried three different oral chemo treatments, as well as now a fourth and fifth chemo treatment to no avail. The next treatment would be a very agressive chemo with many bad side effects.  The end result would be the same. Margaret and I have decided, along with our children and Doctor Toletino to keep me as pain free as is possible and to let God's plans for me take there course, God Bless & LOVE ALL OF YOU!

February 12, 2013

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Lent is the forty days before Easter which we use to prepare ourselves for the coming Celebration of the Resurrection of Christ. In the Catholic Church we traditionally use these forty days to help to increase our discipline, both spiritually and physically to prepare for the coming celebration of Easter. We are told we should pray, fast, and give alms to help to prepare ourselves.

Matthew Kelly, an advocate who is working hard to revitalize the Catholic Faith speaks about how we let our body’s wants control us in many of the things we do. Our body tells us we want coffee, sweets, too much salt, too much TV, too much Facebook, too much of many things. We tend to seek the easy route and to satisfy that want as quickly as we can without thinking about the consequence many times. We must learn to discipline ourselves if we are to be true Disciples of Christ. The body needs to know what it is to say no to it, even if it is a small thing just to ourself. In these small victories over our wants and desires, we will grow in strength and become truly in control of ourselves and of our lives, both spiritually and physically.

Lent offers us the opportunity to “Fast” from some of those things that control our lives. Perhaps we could spend less time watching TV – give up one of those cups of coffee - do not eat something sweet when the body says it wants some sugar – don’t pass along a story when someone is spreading gossip – take a walk at lunch time and clear your mind a bit – set aside some time for you and God to visit each day, He always has time for you – take the opportunity to go out of your way to say something nice to someone at work – both of you will feel better for it.

Each of us knows where we need to improve ourselves, let’s take Lent this year to start on those improvements. I know I need to eat healthier, to take more walks, to trust in God’s Plan completely, and to be less judgmental of others.

My third chemo treatment was completed last Thursday, and today I am starting to feel pretty good again. I kind of had the chemo fog they talk about for a day or two – yesterday I had very little energy, but feeling pretty good today.

Thank God for all those who work in the health care industry who care lovingly for others each and every day. Say a prayer for those children who are struggling with disease and cancer as well.

God Bless all of you and make this your best Lenten Season ever! Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and support.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Tomorrow we go in to receive round three of the new chemo infusion called Iretocan (or something like that). With my shiny new Purple Power Injectable Port, the process is fairly painless and easy. I get a blood draw first thing, by the time I move up to see the doctor, the blood panels are on line, and the good doctor can give me the go ahead on the chemo, or hold off if we need to. So far, thanks to the goodness of God and your prayers, we have been doing well. We then move over to the infusion suites, and get the juice. The whole process takes about three hours or more, but they treat me pretty well, and the heated chairs are comfortable for napping while being infused.

I have found after the first two treatments, that I am pretty well shot for about four to five days after an infusion, then it is like a switch is flipped, and I feel pretty good. I am thankful for that reason to be on a two week rotation. That allows my body to recover between doses. I have not had too many major bad side effects yet – a few, but nothing serious. The worst thing is my loss of taste. Not a loss of appetite, oh no, those steroids help that hunger stay high, just can’t taste as well as I used to. I have thinned the hair a bit, and Margaret thinks it is going more gray and less white these days. Not too bad for an old grandpa.

These past few weeks, the daily scripture readings have been about Jesus’ early days of ministry and how people are approaching him from different towns and walks of life with completely different levels of Faith and belief in Him. He demonstrates a lot of patience and compassion for those in need of His healing power. He also shows some frustration at those many who will not believe in Him. He says several times over these weeks, that those with ears ought to hear. That would lead me to believe that we should be listening when He is speaking.

He starts out in February telling the story of the farmer who sows the seeds, and then, while the farmer sleeps, the seeds grow up into ears full of grain. The farmer cannot make the seeds grow, but God does. Jesus also tells us that faith is like the tiniest of seeds, the mustard seed. When sown onto good ground, it grows into a large plant with much shelter for birds and provides a lot of shade.

We move onto the Presentation of the Lord at the Temple. This is his Jewish naming ceremony, wherein His earthly stepfather, Joseph, gets to name his step son and so become a true part of raising this young man in the Jewish faith and becoming an example to all of us as to what a good father should be to his son. The Priest Simeon is allowed to see Christ here at the Presentation and now knows he can die in peace. Simeon had been visited by the Holy Spirit and told he would not die until he saw Christ the Lord. Can you imagine getting up every day and looking at everyone you met to see if he or she was Christ? How differently would we approach everyone we met?

Jesus then speaks in several local synagogues with great authority, amazing those who hear him. Yet, each time, the people end up angry at Jesus because they think they know who He is and they question how He can know so much and be only the son of a carpenter. Are we not just as quick to judge others many times. You can tell by Jesus’ words that he is saddened at the hardening of the hearts of his own people.

Jesus has been traveling around the area visiting small towns and preaching His word. A crowd follows Him wherever He goes, but they seem confused as to why they are following Him. A demon-possessed man falls prostrate in front of Jesus and calls out His name, recognizing who He is. Why is it that a demon is the first to recognize who Jesus is?

Next Jesus is walking along, and a man comes to Him to ask Him to come and cure his dying daughter. Jesus agrees to go with the man, whose faith will end up saving his daughter. On the way, a woman with an illness touches only the tassle of Jesus’ cloak and is cured. Jesus can feel the power leave Him and wonders who touched his cloak, while the reality is that he was being bumped and touched all the way along. He knew the woman had faith and was healed, and recognized her for that.

Are we looking for Jesus with an open mind and an open heart? Do we make it seem a lot more complicated than it needs to be. Jesus tells us to have the faith of a little child, and the kingdom of God will be ours. We need to believe in God’s love for each of us and His desire that we love each other. We need to see the face of Jesus in our neighbor. Try that tomorrow and see how your day goes. I would guess that your outlook on life will be a bit brighter.

God Bless, and thank you all for the continued prayers and support. It means a lot to all of us, and brings me great peace. God’s Love.