A Journey's End

The Angels came to guide Jim home to Heaven on Tuesday, July 9. The boys, their wives, and Margaret were all there to release him lovingly into the arms of Jesus. Their hearts are aching but they are so very grateful that this long Journey has come to an end. The words thank you could never begin to express the gratitude they have to so many who have walked this Journey with them. They could not have done it alone and are so thankful that God blessed them with so many people who supported them and carried them along the way. God Bless you all!

Funeral services were held on Monday, July 15 at St. Michael Catholic Church, Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  The attendance and outpouring of support was overwhelming.  Jim had orchestrated the majority of the funeral services and it was truly a beautiful tribute to a life well lived.  


The following is a letter that was written by Jim's sons and shared at his funeral:

To all of our dear family and friends:

The words “thank you” could not adequately express the gratitude we feel for all of the amazing support we have received over the past 17 months.  All of the kindness and prayers are what sustained us during these difficult times.  God never intended for us to do the difficult things in life alone, that is why he gave us each other. 

Dad tried to instill the message of always giving your best into the minds of his children.  He told them that they didn’t need to be the star, just put forth your best effort and give the glory to God.  He often said, “Be the best version of yourself that you can be.”

Dad loved to laugh.  His dry and witty sense of humor made light of all situations.  He was quick to ease awkward and uncomfortable moments with a joke.  When he was with his brothers, they would often laugh so hard that they would be in tears.

As we have reflected on Dad’s life over the past couple of days, we were again reminded of his passion for his family and for life.  He was very selfless and always put others first, especially his family.  Dad worked two jobs for nearly 27 years sacrificing holidays, birthdays,   and anniversaries, in order to provide for his family.  While Mom was tirelessly running the boys from one activity to the next, Dad was usually working but he always made a point to be present for important events like games, piano recitals, school programs, graduations, or whatever the occasion may be.

Dad taught us many lessons but, the most important lesson was how to rely on God during life’s challenging times.  He not only showed us that prayer and a relationship with God are what will bring you peace, he lived it.  After Dad was diagnosed in February 2011 he wanted to share his journey with others.  He started a blog with the hopes of bringing people closer to God and to strengthen their relationships with Jesus Christ.  When people would ask how he was doing, Dad often responded, “living the dream.”  We were so privileged to share that dream with him. 

As dad’s disease progressed, he often listened to music on his iPod while he slept.  A song called “The Old Man” had particular meaning to him and to us.  We would like to share those lyrics with you;

The Old Man

The tears have all been shed now

We’ve said our last goodbyes

His souls been blessed

He’s laid to rest

And it’s now I feel alone

He was more than just a father

A teacher my best friend

And he’ll still be heard

In the tunes we shared

When I play them on my own

I never will forget him

For he made me what I am

Though he may be gone

Memories linger on

And I miss him, the old man

As a boy he’d take me walkin’

By mountain field and stream

And he showed me things

Not known to kings

And secret between him and me

Like the colors on the pheasant

As he rises in the dawn

Or how to fish and make a wish

Beside a fairy tree

I never will forget him

For he made me what I am

Though he may be gone

Memories linger on

And I miss him, the old man

I thought he’d live forever

He seemed so big and strong

But the minutes fly

And the years roll by

For a father and a son

And suddenly when it happened

There was so much left unsaid

No second chance

To tell him thanks

For everything he’s done

Oh, I never will forget him

For he made me what I am

Though he may be gone

Memories linger on

God I miss him, the old man

            Thank you to all who have traveled this journey with us.  Dad, your journey is finally over.  “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  We love you Dad!  Rest in Peace.

The Great Sacrifice

June 18, 2013

The Great Sacrifice

Today is my 56th Birthday. A lot has happened that has changed my life since my last Birthday. Several of those things make me wonder if I will celebrate any more Birthdays. I always knew I would die someday. We all have to die to leave this world to enter Paradise. We are born to die.
In August of 2011 my life as I knew it began to change due to some unexplainable episodes. While we researched for the cause of these episodes, we were confused about what was taking place. Dr. Viola, a Neurologist, stated that it sounded like some type of seizure activity, which in my mind I quickly denied. After undergoing testing for several months, a small lesion was discovered on the right temporal lobe of my brain. After meeting with a Neurosurgeon it was recommended I have surgery to remove the grape size tumor in February of 2012. The good news was it was fairly easy to remove. The bad news was the biopsy confirmed it to be a grade 4 glioblastoma – the most aggressive and incurable form of brain cancer. From the moment Dr. Pumala told me of my diagnosis standing by the side of my hospital bed, my entire life changed. I always expected to die someday, but not within the next year or two. I was under the influence of a lot of medication and those first few nights were rather sleepless with a lot of time to think. I took great comfort in saying the Rosary – the Blessed Mother brought me much peace. One of the Mysteries of the Rosary that really struck me as I prayed was The Agony in the Garden. I thought about Jesus in the Garden when He said, “Father if it is possible let this cup pass from me but if it is not possible, not my will but thy will be done.” Over the next several nights I wondered over and over why this was happening to me. Then I began to think that this possibly could be my vocation in life and I had an opportunity here that I was overlooking. This was to be a true test of my Faith. It is easy to SAY you have Faith, but much more difficult to LIVE that Faith. I had to believe that God had a plan for me in all of this. As the father of four boys, I felt a responsibility to show them how to truly live Faith in the most difficult of situations. I was never really angry with God, I did question “why” but I wasn’t angry. I thought that perhaps my whole purpose for my life was to show my sons what true Faith really is. I did think about the option of being angry, but I did not want to spend the remainder of my days being angry at God. I decided to make the best of my circumstances with prayer and meditation. Everyone on Earth has to die this just happens to be the way God chose for me. Throughout the course of time, I have had much time to think and pray. One of the most important things I have come to realize is that Jesus did not have to die. He was human and He was given free will as we all are. I always knew that God sent His Son to Earth to become human and to die for our sins. What I did not fully comprehend until recently is that on the night of the Last Supper in the Garden of Gethsemane when Jesus was praying and suffering, He made the conscious decision to go through the passion and to die a very cruel death on the cross in forgiveness for ALL of the sins of humanity. This would open the gates of Heaven, allowing all of us the chance to be with God FOREVER. This was, and is, the greatest of all Sacrifices. Jesus had told the disciples that the greatest sacrifice anyone could make was “to lay down one’s life for his friends.” So you see – this disease has opened my mind and helped me to understand the true meaning of the Greatest Gift given to all of us.

  I have had the opportunity to live a wonderful, full, and blessed life. God has been good to me! But now I am growing weary. I have been struggling with this disease for well over a year now. I have lost vision in my left eye, my left side of my body has become weaker, I am easily confused, more dependent on others - I am tired! I now look forward to the time when Jesus will reach out his hand to me and say, “Welcome home my son!”


Due to the progression of Jim’s disease and his inability to type he  dictated this entry for me to add to his blog for him. We do so appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers as Jim enters this stage of his Journey.
Margaret

Are You Connected?

Margaret was driving me across town today on some errands, and we both noticed several people on their cell phones, either texting or talking as they attempted to drive in busy traffic. I have also noticed a lot of people in other places who are on their smart phones, their IPads or their laptops as soon as they can get online. The  people in traffic messing with their cell phones got me thinking about how connected we all seem to think we need to be. The thought came to me, “How connected are we all to God?” Just think about how the world would be if everyone felt they had to be that “connected” to our Creator in heaven, who would like nothing more than to have us Love Him that much and miss Him that much that we had to almost constantly seek to be in touch with Him!

 All that God asks of us is to love Him with our whole hearts, our whole minds, and our whole souls! Do we Love Him that much? Are we ”that connected” with Him? Here is a small challenge that may make all of us better as Christians. The next time you go to sign in online, make a call, or use your portable device, say a short prayer to God and tell Him you love Him and tell Him how your day is going.  The next time you want to twitter, tell God how your day is going. He cares about you more than you can imagine. Let’s try to be better “connected with the One that matters the most!”

TYGFTD (Thank You God For This Day)

God Is Never In A Hurry

I read a small devotional book every morning called “Streams In
The Desert” by Jim Reimann. This reading really hit home with me, so I thought I would share it with all of you.

After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai……Then the Lord said to him, “I have indeed seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their groaning and have come down to set them free. Now come, I will send you back to Egypt.” Forty years was a long time to wait in preparation for a great mission. Yet when God delays, He is not inactive. This is when He prepares His instruments and matures our strength. Then at the appointed time we will rise up and be equal to our task. Even Jesus of Nazareth had thirty years of privacy, growing in wisdom before He began His work.

God is never in a hurry. He spends years preparing those He plans to greatly use, and never thinks of the days of preparation as being too long or boring.

The most difficult ingredient of suffering is often time. A short, sharp pain is easily endured, but when a sorrow drags on its long and weary way year after monotonous year, returning day after day with the same dull routine of hopeless agony, the heart loses its strength. Without the grace of God, the heart is sure to sink into dismal despair.

Joseph endured a long trial, and God often has to burn the lessons he learned into the depths of our being, using the fires of prolonged pain. “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver”. (Mal.3:3) Yet, He knows the specific amount of time that will be needed.Like a true goldsmith, God stops the fire the moment He sees His image in the glowing metal.

Today we may be unable to see the final outcome of the beautiful plan God has hidden “in the shadow of His hand” (Isa.49:2) It may be concealed for a very long time, but our faith may rest on the assurance that God is still seated on His throne. Because of this assurance we can calmly await the time when, in heavenly delight we will say “All things have worked together for good.” (Rom.8:28)

As Joseph did, we should be more careful to focus on learning the lessons in the school of sorrow than to focus anxious eyes on the time of our deliverance. There is a reason behind every lesson, and when we are ready, our deliverance will definitely come. Then we will know we could have never served in our place of higher service without having been taught the very things we learned during our ordeal. God is in the process of educating us for future service and greater blessings. And if we have gained the qualities that make us ready for a throne, nothing will keep us from it once His timing is right.

Don’t steal tomorrow from God’s hands. Give Him time to speak to you and reveal His will. He is never late – learn to wait.

He never shows up late; He knows what is best.

Fret not yourself in vain, until He comes, just rest.

Never run impulsively ahead of the Lord. Learn to await His timing – the second, minute, and hour hand must all point to the precise moment for action.

 

I have been doing very well these past weeks. I am on an increased dose of medicine to prevent seizures, and have been feeling pretty good. God has truly Blessed us on this journey. We try to take each day as the gift that it truly is, and have been doing well to date. Only 19 days to Matt and Jen’s wedding date! If God wills it, I will make that in good enough shape to enjoy the event to the fullest with all of our family. I just have to remember not to run ahead of God and let His plans play out for all of us. God Bless all of you and thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Yesterday is History, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift – that is why they call it the present.

And So It Really Begins

My last blog article was rather brief, written from the hospital room, and written, I now better understand, under the influence of a strong dose of medicine to help me from having seizures.
I reread that “Thy Will Be Done” piece, and decided I could not end all of this on that note. It sounds like I am just throwing in the towel on this journey, which I am not yet.

Medically speaking, yes, I am throwing in the towel. The towel is in the team laundry basket on the way to the cleaners. The wonderful staff at Avera’s Prairie Center have done all that they can now do to slow or stop the growth of this cancer in my brain. There is no sense in spending more time, money, resources, and effort in trying to get ahead of my cancer, as it is doing what it is supposed to do. This type of brain cancer is an old, very aggressive type that just takes off and grows. Doctors know what works for a while in some patients, but the end result is just what is happening, the tumors grow, the brain cannot contain the pressures, the patient starts to show neurological (seizures) symptoms, and the tumor eventually will kill the patient. So, physiologically speaking, we have quit fighting the disease and are just going to make the rest of this journey as comfortable as possible as we can for me and for my family. But now is when the real journey begins.

You see, up to this point it was just lip service, but now I get to walk the walk. Now is when true Faith in God’s Plan truly begins. Now I can’t do all of things I was able to do before. Now I have to rely on others to “wash my feet” as Jesus did for His disciples. (That analogy was given to me by one of the wonderful Home Hospice nurses). It is hard now to have to watch Margaret and my family become my caregivers. Now is when I have to trust in God that all of this will end well according to His plan. Now is when I have to use that Faith in God, that Hope in Heaven, and that knowledge that His love is there for me and for all of us.

Now I get to use that wooden cane I made from the branch of one of our apple trees this summer. Now I need to steady myself when I walk, as the medicine to prevent seizures could put a young mule down (at least they seem that strong). When I walk it seems like I am wading in about two feet of water at times. I will not be driving any longer (luckily for most of you).

Will I have enough time and ability left to build a couple of more projects, or will this cancer take away those skills quicker than I am ready for it to? This is what faith and trust in God is all about.

I had told God last year that if I had one more good Christmas here on earth, I would not mind spending Easter in Heaven, and He may have heard my prayer. We had a fantastic year – I made it a point to take in everything that I could, the beauty of the autumn leaves, the summertime breezes, the foliage we had when the leaves turned, some great shooting out at Hunter’s Pointe, one of the best pheasant hunts I have ever been on, a great deer hunt, some wonderful family times all year, a beautiful wedding for Tom and Michelle, Mom’s 80th birthday, and many great family events. We had the best Christmas ever, and now I am ready to follow His will. I do have one more wedding to get to in April if God wills it, for Matt and Jen, but then, I am ready to let her ride.

I have had a life that goes beyond description for blessings. I got to work in the building industry with my family for over 37 years, helping to build people’s dreams and getting to do what I loved to do. Then, I even got to be a fire fighter for 26 plus years, a job which I loved dearly as well.

I could not have asked for a better family to be raised in, a better set of parents, a better faith life, better brothers and sisters, or nieces and nephews. In July of 1980, I married Mary Margaret Callaghan, who has forever changed me. We have had a dream life together and raised the most wonderful family anyone could have imagined. I know that all of you will be with me in heaven again someday. I want each of my children and grandchildren to know that I will pray for each of you each day and I will be with you.

When you get to heaven, I will be the guy sweeping up just inside the gate. “I told Margaret I would save a place for her on the bench there.”

Jimmy

Thy Will Be Done

On Tuesday morning, I was putting dishes away from the dishwasher.  When I looked at one of the stacks of silverware, I noticed something familar about this.

      As I realized this, I start to get that all too familiar wave of nausea begin to move up through my body. This in turn became what I had known over a year ago a  seizure, I was sweaty, with palms down on the counter, but just stood there shaking a bit.

     This was quite disconcerting for me. The seizures occured about every half hour after that, Margaret decided we needed to get into the ER, which we did, they admitted me for further testing. I spent the night in the hospital and had further tests done. The MRI of the brain shows a significant growth in the original tumor area. After further consultation with DoctorTollentino, we both agreed on the next course of action. We had tried three different oral chemo treatments, as well as now a fourth and fifth chemo treatment to no avail. The next treatment would be a very agressive chemo with many bad side effects.  The end result would be the same. Margaret and I have decided, along with our children and Doctor Toletino to keep me as pain free as is possible and to let God's plans for me take there course, God Bless & LOVE ALL OF YOU!

February 12, 2013

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Lent is the forty days before Easter which we use to prepare ourselves for the coming Celebration of the Resurrection of Christ. In the Catholic Church we traditionally use these forty days to help to increase our discipline, both spiritually and physically to prepare for the coming celebration of Easter. We are told we should pray, fast, and give alms to help to prepare ourselves.

Matthew Kelly, an advocate who is working hard to revitalize the Catholic Faith speaks about how we let our body’s wants control us in many of the things we do. Our body tells us we want coffee, sweets, too much salt, too much TV, too much Facebook, too much of many things. We tend to seek the easy route and to satisfy that want as quickly as we can without thinking about the consequence many times. We must learn to discipline ourselves if we are to be true Disciples of Christ. The body needs to know what it is to say no to it, even if it is a small thing just to ourself. In these small victories over our wants and desires, we will grow in strength and become truly in control of ourselves and of our lives, both spiritually and physically.

Lent offers us the opportunity to “Fast” from some of those things that control our lives. Perhaps we could spend less time watching TV – give up one of those cups of coffee - do not eat something sweet when the body says it wants some sugar – don’t pass along a story when someone is spreading gossip – take a walk at lunch time and clear your mind a bit – set aside some time for you and God to visit each day, He always has time for you – take the opportunity to go out of your way to say something nice to someone at work – both of you will feel better for it.

Each of us knows where we need to improve ourselves, let’s take Lent this year to start on those improvements. I know I need to eat healthier, to take more walks, to trust in God’s Plan completely, and to be less judgmental of others.

My third chemo treatment was completed last Thursday, and today I am starting to feel pretty good again. I kind of had the chemo fog they talk about for a day or two – yesterday I had very little energy, but feeling pretty good today.

Thank God for all those who work in the health care industry who care lovingly for others each and every day. Say a prayer for those children who are struggling with disease and cancer as well.

God Bless all of you and make this your best Lenten Season ever! Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and support.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Tomorrow we go in to receive round three of the new chemo infusion called Iretocan (or something like that). With my shiny new Purple Power Injectable Port, the process is fairly painless and easy. I get a blood draw first thing, by the time I move up to see the doctor, the blood panels are on line, and the good doctor can give me the go ahead on the chemo, or hold off if we need to. So far, thanks to the goodness of God and your prayers, we have been doing well. We then move over to the infusion suites, and get the juice. The whole process takes about three hours or more, but they treat me pretty well, and the heated chairs are comfortable for napping while being infused.

I have found after the first two treatments, that I am pretty well shot for about four to five days after an infusion, then it is like a switch is flipped, and I feel pretty good. I am thankful for that reason to be on a two week rotation. That allows my body to recover between doses. I have not had too many major bad side effects yet – a few, but nothing serious. The worst thing is my loss of taste. Not a loss of appetite, oh no, those steroids help that hunger stay high, just can’t taste as well as I used to. I have thinned the hair a bit, and Margaret thinks it is going more gray and less white these days. Not too bad for an old grandpa.

These past few weeks, the daily scripture readings have been about Jesus’ early days of ministry and how people are approaching him from different towns and walks of life with completely different levels of Faith and belief in Him. He demonstrates a lot of patience and compassion for those in need of His healing power. He also shows some frustration at those many who will not believe in Him. He says several times over these weeks, that those with ears ought to hear. That would lead me to believe that we should be listening when He is speaking.

He starts out in February telling the story of the farmer who sows the seeds, and then, while the farmer sleeps, the seeds grow up into ears full of grain. The farmer cannot make the seeds grow, but God does. Jesus also tells us that faith is like the tiniest of seeds, the mustard seed. When sown onto good ground, it grows into a large plant with much shelter for birds and provides a lot of shade.

We move onto the Presentation of the Lord at the Temple. This is his Jewish naming ceremony, wherein His earthly stepfather, Joseph, gets to name his step son and so become a true part of raising this young man in the Jewish faith and becoming an example to all of us as to what a good father should be to his son. The Priest Simeon is allowed to see Christ here at the Presentation and now knows he can die in peace. Simeon had been visited by the Holy Spirit and told he would not die until he saw Christ the Lord. Can you imagine getting up every day and looking at everyone you met to see if he or she was Christ? How differently would we approach everyone we met?

Jesus then speaks in several local synagogues with great authority, amazing those who hear him. Yet, each time, the people end up angry at Jesus because they think they know who He is and they question how He can know so much and be only the son of a carpenter. Are we not just as quick to judge others many times. You can tell by Jesus’ words that he is saddened at the hardening of the hearts of his own people.

Jesus has been traveling around the area visiting small towns and preaching His word. A crowd follows Him wherever He goes, but they seem confused as to why they are following Him. A demon-possessed man falls prostrate in front of Jesus and calls out His name, recognizing who He is. Why is it that a demon is the first to recognize who Jesus is?

Next Jesus is walking along, and a man comes to Him to ask Him to come and cure his dying daughter. Jesus agrees to go with the man, whose faith will end up saving his daughter. On the way, a woman with an illness touches only the tassle of Jesus’ cloak and is cured. Jesus can feel the power leave Him and wonders who touched his cloak, while the reality is that he was being bumped and touched all the way along. He knew the woman had faith and was healed, and recognized her for that.

Are we looking for Jesus with an open mind and an open heart? Do we make it seem a lot more complicated than it needs to be. Jesus tells us to have the faith of a little child, and the kingdom of God will be ours. We need to believe in God’s love for each of us and His desire that we love each other. We need to see the face of Jesus in our neighbor. Try that tomorrow and see how your day goes. I would guess that your outlook on life will be a bit brighter.

God Bless, and thank you all for the continued prayers and support. It means a lot to all of us, and brings me great peace. God’s Love.

 

 

 

Blessings

Middle Child

I had the good fortune to be raised in a family of seven children with a stay at home mom, family meals together, and all those “old fashioned family fixin’s”. We were raised as a Catholic Family, for which I am grateful. Children were always considered a gift from God, and we all were raised accepting what God gave us as the way it is and all a part of the plan.

At the risk of messing up dates, I will attempt to order the seven of us – Charles was born in 1954, the eldest son, named after Grandpa Carl Jarding. Cynthia came along a year later in 1955. I was born in 1957, named after dad, but with a different middle name, so I would not be called junior – I ended up being Jimmy to most of our family and relatives. Connie was born in 1958, John came along in 1959, Donna in 1961, and Bob was born in 1963. We also had a baby brother born after Bob, named Gerald, who lived only about 8 hours – he had what they called blue lung or some type of breathing disorder that he did not survive. I remember seeing him in a tiny Styrofoam box in the back seat of a funeral hearse at the cemetery right before we buried him. He looked like a little porcelain doll. He was our first saint in heaven who has been up there praying for our family all these years.

As I had written earlier, Connie had a very difficult delivery, and had Cerebral Palsy her entire life because of that delivery. I have often thought that but for the grace of God I could have been that breech delivery, or any one of us for that matter. Connie went home to heaven in 2005, after 47 years of life in a wheel chair, watching and loving all of us. She is our second saint in heaven. I know that she now prays for me and is watching over me. I look forward to being able to converse with her in that not too distant future.

There has been a lot of material written on birth order and how it affects the children in a family. The oldest children are always in charge and tell everyone what to do. The middle children are the peace keepers and survivors, and the younger children are used to being taken care of.

I think we kind of follow that pattern in our family, at least from my perspective. My wife says I am more of the oldest child in telling people what to do. As my life has gone on, I have seen myself as one who tries to make sure everyone is treated fairly and that we get things done. I have been in a supervisory position most of my working career, so I am used to telling people what to do and trying to get things done. I have no qualms about trying to take charge of almost every situation – I guess that is in my upbringing. I tried to weigh both sides of an issue, and then do what had to be done to resolve the issue.

I had the privilege of growing up on a farm and then in a small town in South Dakota. Dad and mom rented a couple of different farms near Humboldt during my earliest years. I was just big enough to get into trouble (6 years old) and to help carry one half of a bushel basket of ground feed when Dad got his job as a Rural Mail Carrier and we moved into Humboldt. The few adventures I do remember on the farm were – catching baby pink mice and bringing them in to show mom – she screamed and we had to put them back (by the way, baby mice can’t swim very well in a mud puddle) We had to gather eggs and help with what chores we could do. Cynthia was my outside chore helper at that time. Charles was getting old enough to start to drive tractor and to help dad with the chores. We had been milking cattle then, raised pigs, chickens, and fed cattle for meat. I remember when we butchered meat, our neighbor, Jack Even, would come over and help out along with other friends and relatives. The animals would be shot, then cut in half and hung from a tractor loader to be further processed. Grandpa and grandmas came over as well. The animal was all used – meat, tongue, liver, heart, tail, blood sausage, and even the fat was rendered down to lard to be used for cooking. You still cannot beat the taste of the pork sausages we had back then.

I remember walking out through the pasture behind our farm south of Pumpkin Center to pick wild asparagus with Cynthia. Mom always had a big garden, and there was always a lot to do on a farm for a young boy. Mom made homemade bread most of the time, but if we were short a loaf of bread, we got to walk the half mile north on the gravel road up to Pumpkin Center to visit the little gas station store to pick up some bread. That was kind of a treat back then to get to go into the store and see all the candy and items now found in convenience stores.

It was good to be in the middle and it was a great childhood. Not too scarred from what I saw or from the punishments and corrections I received, and still able to discern right from wrong most of the time. I had to learn to share very early on, and we used all we had until it was all used up. There are not any antique toy tractors from our place, we drove the wheels off of them. A bicycle went through three kids at least, and hand-me down and stitched clothing was all in style. My mom even mended socks – can you imagine that today – nobody mends socks now. Mom sewed and patched a lot of our clothing as well. She has always been a gifted seamstress.

Thanks to you Mom and Dad, we all made it through those growing up years and survived still speaking to each other. I think we are closer as a family because of that upbringing, and we have our parents and the faith we have in God to thank for that basis. 

Growing Up

In 1963 we moved into Humboldt and had a new house built. We lived in an old old house while the new one was built, which took about 6 months at that time. As we grew up, we always shared a bedroom with at least one other sibling, sometimes two. There were many little fights and arguments, but in the end you settled in and got to sleep, or got to visit with Dad about it. Some of those visits resulted in a sore hind end, but we clearly understood the rules and the consequences of not following them. I do not think I have been permanently scarred as a result of a spanking now and then either.

Those years growing up in Humboldt were filled with adventures. The only TV we had was one unit that was black and white with maybe two channels. We watched only at night after dinner and dishes, and then it was the news, Lawrence Welk once a week, rawhide or maybe Bonanza. I remember watching Neil Armstrong make his first step on the moon and listening to Walter Cronkite narrate on the news. That was pretty cool for a boy my age. I was going to be an astronaut, then become a priest. I had thought I might be the first priest to get to fly to the moon. I also remember when Hee Haw came onto TV the first time – I thought it was just hilarious. Anyway, our days and nights were not filled with TV and video games, so we made our own fun. We had a large concrete driveway with a basketball hoop on it. We played basketball almost nightly with a lot of guys from the town. We played pickup games, with call your own foul, or argue about it. We had some great outside shooters as well. Sometimes, as only brothers can attest to, I would argue enough with John that we had to step off the court and wrestle out a call before we could get back into the game. Poor John didn’t win many of those, or was it the other way around.

We would play Pee Wee baseball in season – everyone went out for baseball, everyone played, it was just what we did. I could not ever properly swing a bat or throw, but I had fun trying with my friends. Football season brought sandlot football – full contact, of course, and no pads. Winter time brought ice skating on a pond flooded and maintained by the City maintenance man. We even had a small hut with a wood stove to keep us warm. Lots of pick up homemade hockey stick games and skating at night.

Summertime meant freedom to ride bikes all over town, build forts on vacant lots, catch fresh water crawdads in a little creek for fishing bait, hunt night crawlers at night after or during a rainstorm, and fishing. We would fish at Beaver Lake, Lost Lake, or Lake Vermillion. We would catch bullheads by the five gallon pail, then clean them and eat fried bullheads. My sisters loved the fried tails – a taste I never did acquire.

There were times we convinced my dad to let us ride our bikes out to Lake Vermillion, pitch a little tarp tent, and stay overnight to fish. Real outdoorsmen – I remember getting stormed on one night, but dad drove out to rescue us and haul our stuff home.

There was a place on the river just north of the Lake called Shipoke Grove. We used to catch a lot of crappies and bluegills at the right time of year in that area. One night when I was a young high schooler, I was fishing for crappies, and a 6 pound northern hit my line. I ended up getting him landed, which was probably only because he didn’t fight the line too much. I was one excited young man, being used to catching crappies, bluegills, and bull heads. This was a true trophy to me. I proudly hauled him home and still can taste that fried northern pike. I always have liked the taste of northern, though today’s fishermen seldom seem to want to mess with the rather slimy predator fish. Fun to catch now, but mainly released right away.

I remember when I was in early high school we got a brand new John Deere snowmobile. All of us were lined up waiting to take it for the first ride. We had to take turns, and go in order of age. Charles rode away and came back okay. Cynthia had her friend with her, and took her turn. She didn’t come back and didn’t come back.  Finally, here she came, walking up the road. They had run through a fence behind the school, scratching the brand new machine, and breaking off the windshield. I suppose we should have been grateful she didn’t get hurt, but her brothers wanted to hurt her. We survived – it turns out a new snowmobile with a shorter windshield rides about as well as a brand new one.

I spent most of my summers from sixth grade to about freshman, mowing yards for people. Dad had also always had one or two John Deere garden tractors, so we went around the area and rotary tilled peoples gardens during the spring and fall. My mowing consisted of taking care of several older people’s yards in town. I would push the mower around town with a gas can and mow and trim yards all summer. $2.00 per cutting. I had a short paper route for a short time as well. I remember mowing for Leo Even, an older guy in town at the time. He almost always had to have a bottle of coke with me after I completed the job. “T” Even would have to cook me a hamburger or give me something when I mowed for her. Everybody knew everybody, and they were the nicest people you could hope to meet.

When I was about a sophomore, I did not have any prospects of summer employment beyond the mowing, and dad and I had decided it was time for me to branch out to something bigger. We had some friends over one night to visit, and the topic was brought up. Well, their brother-in-law had a farm west of Oldham and was looking for a farm helper for the summer. A call or two was made, and I had a job. We drove up to Oldham, went 10 miles west, and met Don and Donna Neises. They had five girls and two boys, and I was to become the live-in farm helper-family member for the summer. I remember a feeling of dread and apprehension, but they welcomed me into their family right away like I was one of their own, and I had a great time. Poor Don had a farm helper who did not know how to drive anything with a clutch nor anything about working on a farm. The man had the patience of Job, and I liked him right away. I had a great summer event though I had to ride in humility behind a girl driving the tractors for the first few weeks until I learned a few things. We milked cows, fed pigs, fed feeder cattle, put up hay, picked rocks, pulled weeds, sprayed for weeds, and windrowed hay for silage to feed the dairy cattle. The summer flew by, and I adapted to the Neises family pretty well. I even was offered the same position for the next summer! I spent that summer up there as well, and a few times I had also gone up and worked for them after that. They are a great family, and I still have fond memories of those summers.

Some time before that junior year, I decided that I was now man of means and should have my own car. I mentioned this to dad one morning at our family breakfast, and he said he would look into it. That night at supper he announced that he had found a car for me that would fit my budget and work well for what I needed.  It was 1966 Nash Rambler with 99,000.00 miles on it for sale for $99.00. The deal was made and I had a car. Not too fancy, not too fast, and not up to my sleek and speedy image, but I had plans for that. I decided we needed to paint the car from its light tan to a new color. Dad said he could do that in his back garage, so all I needed to do was pick a paint color and prep the car. I selected a bright Ford blue for my ’66 Rambler, trying to stay as original as possible of course. We sanded and taped and prepped for a few days and nights, and she was ready to spray. Dad had a paint sprayer, so away we went, and the Rambler turned bright blue, just like that. I do not remember too much about any clear coating or any such other coatings, but the car was blue. We had prepped everything but I had not done anything to cover the tires so we could paint the rims. Dad said he would handle it, and I got blue rims with blue-wall tires in just a few minutes. The only thing that would have been cooler is if the tires had said “No Hunting” on them. I drove that blue tired car until I got through one year of college. We made many adventures together, I caught no small amount of crap about the blue tires and rims, but she got me where I had to go. Six cylinder, three on the tree transmission, and she was a beast. It would get hot in the summer time, and I would have to pull over to top off the radiator once in a while. Many a jack rabbit fell prey to my travels to Oldham and back and along country roads in the spring of that year. A box of 22 shells, and a pump remington 22 rifle and I laid to rest a lot of bunnies, gophers, and jack rabbits in those hunts. Of course, I never shot from the vehicle or from a public right of way. I was a rule follower. In my spare time on the farm, I shot bunnies along the shelter belt. One of my buddies had a farm along Beaver Lake, and we spent many an hour stalking and hunting around that area.

It was a great way to grow up in South Dakota, and I do treasure those years of care-free adventure. I still love to just drive through the country side and take in the beauty of South Dakota, both the prairie and the hills. I love a new lake or a small stream. I had many duck hunts jumping stock dams, shot a few geese, hunted lots of pheasants, and got to go on great deer hunts since I was eighteen. Fishing has always been fun, and I did a fair amount of that as well. Once we were married and had children, of course, priorities change, and I had to stop playing so much and raise a family.

God has Blessed me in many ways, and I think where I was born and my family and friends are some of those greatest blessings. I would not have traded it for the world. Make it a great week, and remember to thank God every day for His love for all of us!

January 10, 2013

 

I had an MRI of my brain completed yesterday, and today we met with Dr. Tolentino to go over those results. The original tumor site has shown some growth from about1.9 mm to about 3 mm. I don’t know much about mms, except the chocolate covered ones, but it appeared to my analytical mind that the tumor has increased in size by about one third in the last three months.

I have been experiencing some headaches and pressure over the past few weeks, so this is not a surprise to me. I think it is fairly normal for the progression of this disease. I have been on an infusion medicine that prevented the flow of blood to tumor sites, and that worked for about 6 months. Now we step up to a nastier chemo treatment that will kill all fast growing cells. The main side effects will be gastro-intestinal issues, hair loss, and fatigue. Sounds like a trip, doesn’t it? The good doctor thinks we can get another 6 months out of this treatment, depending on how I react to the chemo. If we opt to do nothing, in a few months the tumor would cause fatal issues.

I will knuckle under and have a port put in next week, then chemo treatments once every two weeks after that. This chemo now kind of withers my veins, I guess, so I decided I better get the port put in while I am still healthy enough to do it.

So, we are still right where we were – a day at a time – still feeling good today – and thanking God for the gifts He has given to all of us, and especially to me. We will continue down this path He has set for us, and be grateful for the many blessings He continues to bestow upon us. I am still feeling a lot better than many many people fighting this dreadful disease. The expectations as things progress will be neurological issues like loss of balance, memory issues, and perhaps a personality change. You would all get to know a new me, which may be refreshing at any rate!

I still plan to dance with Jennifer at her and Matt’s wedding in April, though I may step on her feet now and then. We will celebrate their marriage and the start of their new life together in style.

From there we will just take things as they come. I will be glad to correspond with all of you as I can, and will try to post occasionally. I have no sorrow over all of this, as I still see it as a gift from the Good Lord. I just opened an e-mail that spoke of the death of a fellow retired fire fighter. I do not know any circumstances, but his death is a surprise to me. I have the gift of fair warning.

I continue to thank God each day for all of your prayers and support, and I will go on living each day as the gift that it truly is. God Bless all of you, and take care. Watch for those red cardinals!

 

In one of my daily meditation booklets I found this little prayer:

 

Others may do a greater work,

But you have your part to do;

And no one in all God's family

Can do it as well as you.

December 29, 2012

Today we are still in the of Octave of Christmas. The Jewish faith celebrates all great feast days in a series of eight days, or octaves, and that tradition has carried over into the Catholic Church. Our secular world has us so wrapped up in the Christmas marketing whoopla of buying gifts, decorating everything, and spending our money so our spending stays high, which fuels our taxes, etc….. that by the time Christmas gets here, we can be “burned out” and tired of it all. By now some families are putting Christmas “away” because they have been looking at things since right after Halloween. We need to take in this precious time and season – relish the gift of God sending His Son to us as a human to walk with us and to talk with us. Celebrate the fact that the three wise men are still on their journey to see the Christ Child.

We had a great Christmas 2012. Our family all got to be with us for the celebrations, and a good time was had by all. I got my Christmas projects completed, and they turned out well. Kolbe even sent grandpa a short video riding his rocking horse and watching Toy Story with his cowboy hat on. He picked up some new cowboy boots yesterday, so he should be all set up.

I had prayed to God earlier this year that I could have one more good Christmas, and that I would not be sick over Christmas. I love this season, and I do not want to have everyone remember it as a sad time because of my poor health. God answered my prayers, and we had a good time.

I have been having some pressure headaches over the past month or so, especially when I lie prone at night. The doctor has me on a small dose of steroids once again, which will help to relieve that pressure and ease up the headaches. I am taking about one seventh of the dose I was last spring, so not such bad side effects yet, but I have taken to waking up after about 4 hours of sleep once again, so the keyboards may become more active. This may or may not be good for all of you.

Our brain is in a confined space with only enough room for what is supposed to be in there. With treatments of chemo to the tumor areas, there is some edema, which can cause a pressure build up. Over time these fluids will dissipate, if they have enough time. In the meanwhile, one gets a headache. The steroids reduce the swelling and relieve that pressure more quickly, so they help. I have not had to take as many pain pills as I did when they first started. I also have to be on a blood pressure medicine now, since one of the main side effects of Avastin is to increase one’s blood pressure.

Cancer is so different with everyone, I am learning, it mutates and fights the meds we are on, and most of the meds we take to fight it kill cells, so the treatments can be the killer and often are, but we also know what will happen without treatments. It kind of boils down to taking the treatments until they reduce the quality of one’s life to a point where they are no longer valid to use, then we let things run their course. The doctors do what they can with what they know, but this is a terrible disease. I especially do not like to see what many people have to suffer through in their treatments, so pray for all of those who are living with cancer now.

 We have Matt and Jen’s wedding to attend and to dance at in April, so I need to pray now for good health through at least that month. I think I will be just fine. I do not have the stamina I once had. I can do a few things, but then I need to rest for a few hours. Probably getting too old and not working out much anymore either. I will try to start to go for walks more now after the holidays.

After our MRI in January, we will see if we need to step up to the next level of chemo. That chemo will make me feel nauseated, hair loss, more weakness - all the good stuff. We can then perhaps lose those twenty pounds I put on when I got on steroids the last time. The doctors tell me to not worry about being on a diet, but to eat healthy foods that make one feel good. I think they mean healthy foods, not healthy portions, but I was always somewhat confused with that stuff.

For now, I wanted to let everyone know how things are going - going pretty well overall. I can still get around well, I still drive, no seizures, no loss of balance issues yet, have not had any weight loss, as one friend kindly pointed out to me, and I am trying to live each day as if it is a gift, which it is.

 You and your families enjoy this holiday season, as it is not over yet!

Impressions

I have had the idea to write about impressions for the past several days, so the Spirit must be moving me to try and impress upon me to share something with you. The thought of impressions came to me early one morning as I lie awake in bed, the side effect of a small steroid dose. I wake up, wide awake almost immediately, then have a hard time drifting back to sleep – so I lie there and dwell on things.

Last spring when I first got out of the hospital from the surgery, a good friend of ours stopped over to visit. She brought me a small Papal type crucifix that she had in her possession from when she had some serious illnesses earlier in her life. She told me it was special to her and she kept it under her pillow every night as she went through her medical ordeal. She is doing fine today, and was “paying it forward” when she gave me the crucifix. I have the crucifix next to my bed, and put it under my pillow as well, especially when I am having some headaches or trouble getting to sleep. You know how when you sleep hard on your pillow or sheets, your face has small red wrinkles impressed upon it when you first get up? I thought of that the other night. Perhaps the impression of Christ on that small crucifix is becoming impressed on my soul. I know I usually sleep better with the crucifix under my pillow.

That thought led to other thoughts about impressions. There are many sayings about impressions: You never get a second chance to make a good first impression - I was impressed - That was very impressive – etc…..

 We spend a lot of our lives trying to impress others with ourselves, our looks, or our ideas. Some of us go to great measures to impress certain people because that seems important to us at the time. Some people don’t impress me, and others do. Why is that? What kind of impression do each of us leave with other people? Do we act out of our normal self to try to impress something different than who, or what we really are just to make a good impression on someone? Is it worth not being true to yourself just to impress someone who must not be able to accept you for who you really are? We should ask ourselves these questions at times before we choose to do some of the things we do to make different impressions on others.

Who should we really try to impress, and what is impressed upon us and our souls? Do we put things into our hearts and minds that will leave good and lasting impressions?  Or do we take in bad shows, internet garbage, reality shows, clothing styles, life styles, relationships, etc. to make us look like someone who we are really not? Why do we try to impress certain people whom we think we can gain something from? Perhaps that is our human nature.

Do you give the impression to others that you are a child of God and living in His love? Do you smile at a stranger, say a kind word to someone, hold a door for someone, hold off on a hurtful thought about another, perhaps stop a gossip item from spreading, maybe do not forward a nasty text or e-mail, etc? These are all small opportunities for us to make a good Christian impression on others. Can someone tell by first meeting you that you are full of God’s love and abundance? We should think about that, and try to start to impress people with that. Sounds impressive, doesn’t it?

In this New Year, we should make it a resolution to be a more impressive Christian person. We each need to spend time working on being the best version of ourselves we can be. We should be all that God wants us to be, living in His abundant Joy! Seeking spiritual guidance will help us to make a good impression first on ourselves, and then on those we meet on a daily basis.

Let us ask ourselves. “If I were charged with being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict me?” What’s your impression?